It’s a perennial problem.  People are always faster than me.  Better climbers, better on the flats.  They have better bikes, or weigh forty pounds less.  They have less years on them, or more miles in them.  And so I’m always off the back.  So I’ve taken to subtly sabotaging their bikes, in order to slow ’em down a bit.  Here’s my quick in dirty guide to making them slower and you faster.
1.  Fill their inner tubes with water.  About 2 cups per tire.  Take out the valve stem, dump it in.
2.  Put 6 rolls of pennies in the seat tube.  Remove seatpost, insert rolls of coins, tamp with paper, reinstall post.  Adds about 4 pounds to the frame.
3.  Lube their chain with butter.  It will seem nice and quiet for about 20 miles, then it will wear off and start making a horrible racket, demoralizing the rider.
4.  Over tighten their brakes.  So they just rub when they are climbing…
5.  Dial in the limit screws on the rear derailleur, so they can’t get in really high or low gears.
Note: don’t actually do any of this.  It’s a joke.  The real way to slow anyone down is to feed them a huge burrito preride, and an extra large ice cream cone.

The impending autumn means a few things at the shop.  More time for bike fitting, weird custom builds, endless cups of coffee.  Wool jerseys and rides where it’s ok to wear jeans.  Our clinics really took off last year.  We covered all sorts of topics, everything from disc brake bleeding (3 different brands!) to bike camping to recycled bike jewellery making.  We’d like to open it up this year to suggestions.  What do you want to learn about?  Chances are we either have someone on staff who can talk about it, or know someone who can.  Are skills clinics more rad than mechanical clinics? Do we need more art?  Do we need to have classes on road etiquette?  Let us know, either via email, or if you are reading this via the blogosphere, in the comments.  Our email address is bikedrfrederick (at) gmail (dot) com

We’ll be starting clinics in about two weeks, the first of which is always the comprehensive, hands on fix a flat clinics that takes place at 7pm on the first Wednesday of October.  Figure it will take about an hour.


Don’t forget to register for the Bike Doctor Frederick Grand Fondue.  It’s coming up in about a month, and we already have a good group of folks showing up, so sign up before it fills up!  For those that don’t know, the Grand Fondue is a semi organized ride that takes in the rural roads of Frederick County.  There will be dirt roads, gravel roads, normal roads and tiny barely paved roads.  Four ride lengths are on offer, so there is something for {almost} everyone.  You don’t need a whatevering bike to do this ride, but it’s not a bad idea!  Way more info on the ride here.  You can register via paypal here, and just email us with what your t shirt size is and your ride length.  Again, our email address is: bikedrfrederick (at) gmail (dot) com.  We’d love to see you out there!

Lastly, the shop rides:

There are only two right now, both on Sunday.  The women’s road ride is every Sunday morning.  It’s location varies, but if you qualify (ie you are not a guy), head over to the BDF women’s group ride Facebook page, like it, and get more info!

Sunday evening (meet at 5, wheels down at 5.30) is the whatevering ride, 30-50 miles of mixed surface road riding.  Bring: a suitable bike, real lights (200 lumen min) a relaxed attitude and a willingness to climb lots of hills.

-The Bike Doctor Crew


2 thoughts on “

  1. They are not out in front. I have crushed them, and am now driving them before me, and will soon hear the lamentations of their women.

  2. Are you going to sell sabotage kits–all necessary tools included—and if so how much will they cost?

    (Not that I would ever consider buying one, of course).


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